The Pimps of Wall Street, Dalal Street and Lalas

There are some Wall Street/Dalal Street companies who understand and practice what John D Rockefeller’s attorney SCT Dodd said in his case against the breakup of Standard Oil.

“But men whose integrity is such as to permit them to be entrusted with the management of large capital, whose intellectual grasp of principles and details is such as to command with their products the markets of the world, are those who will soonest realize that the policy which succeeds is that which accords fair treatment to all.”

In fact, men like Rockefeller gave away huge amounts of their wealth for the benefit of society.

If you are associated with the Ramakrishna Math, there are a lot of stories about Swami Vivekanand during his stay in America and how he influenced John D Rockefeller  to give his wealth back to society.

What I say below does not apply to them.


Those who don’t take risks should never be involved in making decisions.

People who are bred, selected, and compensated to find complicated solutions do not have an incentive to implement simplified ones.

Nicolas Taleb

I call them pimps because the way they earn a living is by being paid for getting others f🙊.

It may not be a sexual f🙊, it is  a financial f🙊 but it is a f🙊 for money nonetheless.

At the end of the day you have lost your life’s savings and all you got is an illusion, not real love, and you may even end up with the clap.

All these pimps don’t use their own money.

They strictly use OPM – not Opium but Other Peoples Money. 

Like Opium, it is a really easy thing to sell and misuse.

However unlike selling Opium which can be a very profitable business, OPM just causes profits to the Wall Street Pimps and gives an Sade Anda (Rotten Egg) to the people who really invested the money.

They raise money from gullible bakra investors and an uneducated  people and perpetuate myths like Buy and Hold,  Diversification and call what they do  “Investing” instead of speculating.

There is also the myth that since they are professional money managers, they know what they are doing.

They have investment banking arms that are always eager to pump companies so that lemmings can buy, they have analysts who try and predict the earnings of the stock well into the future and extensively use vaporware and they have traders who spend their whole lives staring at monitor screens trying to scalp a few percentage points.

The pimps are usually in the so called big “banks”.

Some of these shining star “banks” are Margin Stanley, Skank of Scamerica, Rolled Goldman Shacks, Wells Far Gone, Shitty Bank , Douche Bank and JPM (Just Pimping Margin).

Many Wall Street Pimps even work in hedge funds and PE funds.

Below is a quote from Jim Willie of the Hat Trick Letter.

“The US financial system is a viper pit of interconnected collusion. The US Fed, the Dept of Treasury, Wall Street firms, US Govt regulators, the debt rating agencies, the Securities & Exchange Commission, the Commodity Futures Trading Commission, and major financial networks are so tight, that when they speak, their buttocks squeak, since the nether region is where their words emanate from”
Jim Willie “Hat Trick Letter”

The pimps find it very easy to lend money because it is not theirs to begin with.  The whole real estate bubble in the USA was because of the Wall Street Pimps.

They offered no down payment loans, interest only loans, bridge loans, NINJA loans, and other very risky loans to gullible and greedy fools  who speculate in real estate but call themselves investors.

Read the really sad case of JP Morgan Chase Bank whistle-blower Alayne Fleischmann who risked it all to expose the biggest pimp of Wall Street – JPM (Just Pimping Margin).

According to me, the difference between an investor and a speculator is that a speculator is only interested in return on financial capital.  So in some way all of us are just speculators if all we are looking for is return on financial capital.

Isn’t it despicable that banks have turned so mutant from their original purpose?

The original purpose of a bank was to accept deposits from people who saved, offer them a steady inflation indexed interest and lend the money after proper screening that involved a rigorous personal interview and review of income and assets to people who would pay a higher interest rate to borrow the money to build real assets.

This is a boring but steady and profitable business.

The banks got greedy and started mutual funds and investment banks, which in my opinion, are one of the biggest con games ever in the history of mankind.

I would not be surprised if many of these mutual fund and investment bank managers, who are really very overpaid,  had less than 2% of their own net worth in the funds they manage – they basically have no skin in the game. 

They risk OPM, Other Peoples Money to make profits, and take none of the losses, since they dont risk their own money for their gambling ventures.

So it is Private Profit, but at Public Risk and Public Loss.

So if they are just making money off other peoples lives and take none of the risk if people get f🙊, should they not be called pimps?  

That is basically what pimps do – they sell an illusion and take none of the risk and make money in the process.

This world has no use at all for middlemen like professional priests, professional politicians, Wall street pimps and some may say supermodels.

I dont know about the professional priests, Wall Street Pimps and professional politicians, but we sure could use supermodels.

They are suuuuuuuper 💋😎.

What would teenage boys, not to mention dirty old rich men like the King of good times do in a world without supermodels? 😲

Not many Bangalore Press calendars are sold, even though they are the best calendars in Bharat.  Almost 99% of people in Bharat have not heard of the Bangalore Press calendar.

Even Wikipedia, the most comprehensive encyclopedia in the world, does not have an article on the Bangalore Press calendar.

But supermodel calendars are world famous and there is even multiple national TV channels coverage of their release, and sold that too at 4x-10x times the retail price even if the dates are wrong.

And Wikipedia also has an entry on the Kingfisher calendar.

Just because they have an MBA, wear fancy suits, indulge in fancy talk  and appear to be extremely knowledgeable and have fancy offices and hang around the Representative DFIs  should not distract us from the way they earn a living.

An MBA means nothing to me, it just means Major Bullshit Artist. One cannot be taught management in a college and by case studies, management comes from experience and dealing in the real world with real people.

I have also noticed that almost all MBAs don’t start or establish successful or lasting businesses, they just run the businesses started by others.

In business school, MBAs are only taught to manage money from case studies.

To make real money in the real world, you need common sense, a shrewd nature, a willingness to take risks, vision and an ability to work smart and accept failures also as part of your endeavours.

In the USA,  most Wall Street Pimps have MBAs running their businesses and this supposed to be a good thing. A smart person in theory must surely be a smart person in the real world.

If this was the case, then the best surgeon would be one who scored the highest marks in college. Check with most of the best surgeons, they were not the highest ranking students.  In fact some of the highest ranking students were actually not very good surgeons.

These Wall Street pimps also have huge trading and investment banking arms. Investment banks are overpaid just like lawyers are.

These Wall Street pimps also have entrenched links to the insurance companies and large publicly traded corporations that are more interested in enhancing the option based compensation of their executives, than real shareholder value and value for clients.

These businesses spend HUGE $$$$$$$$$$ to  lobby (lets call it like it really is – BRIBE) the Representative DFIs.

The pimps of Wall Street control the world by playing puppet master to the Representative DFIs who are glad to be their puppets and give these gambling Wall Street Pimps trillion dollar bailouts.

The actual cost of bailing out the gambling Wall Street Pimps was not 700 billion dollars, but more than 12 trillion dollars($ 12,000,000,000,000/Rs 7.2 crore crores (Rs 7,20,00,000,00,00,00,000)).

All this money was given at the cost of educating poor school children, housing, feeding and healthcare for poor and veterans and loss of pensions for the old who worked and saved for their entire lives in the hope that they could retire on that pension.

This bailout is at the expense of the general public who are put into debt even for future and unborn generations.

All this for the benefit of gambling Wall Street Pimps who actually paid themselves millions of dollars in bonuses even while gambling away and losing billions of dollars.

In any other country, it would have been illegal and the companies would have been shut down and their executives sent to jail for at least 20 years, whipped, put to hard labour or shot.

But in the USA it is not illegal, just unethical.

September 23, 2008 was an interesting week in the financial markets.

The banks owned by the pimps of Wall Street collapsed.

The  biggest Wall Street Pimp Hank Paulson had brought forth a plan that was rubber stamped by Dumbass Dubya   and had the “confidence” of Warren Buffet.

When the effects of this plan are felt over the next 20 years, I hope the American people will get out in the streets to protest instead of just watching reality TV and playing video games.

Obama was even more evil than Dumbass Dubya.

Before he was elected  he opposed raising the debt ceiling.

And as soon as Obama was elected, he, Turbo Timmy and Helicopter Ben gave the Wall Street Pimps the a huge stolen gift that was funded from taxpayers money.

The biggest fraud is Warren Buffet.

I call Warren Buffet a fraud because he only made money from money.

If you really look at his businesses, Warren Buffet is basically an insurance salesman, pawn broker and colored sugar water dealer.

He charges high interest rates to distressed businesses, he makes money from insurance and a mutual fund partnership which is the biggest free money tap in the world.

The only reason that Buffet has so much money to invest is because of this insurance business.

The insurance business if run well, gives a huge float of free money on which extremely low interest has to be paid and which is guaranteed to remain within the insurance company for at least 10 -15 years.

This enables long term investments can be made with these insurance funds without worrying about short term fluctuations.

This was admitted in his annual letter by Buffet himself. Buffets annual letters are extremely witty and cogent but the numbers are difficult to understand for a lay person.

So a here is simple summary of his idea on insurance float.

This is an extremely rare art and I have to give full credit to Buffet since he probably the supreme master of this art in the whole world.

He also makes profits from a company that is the main cause of obesity and heart disease in the USA and also now rest of the world where the Coke dealer spreads its wings.

Berkshire Hathaway does not pay a dividend.

In fact I dont think it has ever paid a dividend in the last 30 years.

It is very difficult to liquidate a Berkshire Share because it is so highly priced.

Warren Buffet is the American idol.  He is the world idol.  The richest man in the world.

He may be rich.  But he is not wealthy.

His wealth is only for businesses owned by large Wall Street Pimps.

He does not provide micro-finance to small businessmen, poor small land holder farmers and chicken and goat farmers.

Warren Buffet a hypocritical liar – he wants to leave his money to charity after he is dead, but when he is living he has no problems investing billions in Wall Street Pimps  that destroy people’s lives.

He has invested 5 billion dollars (Rs 30000 crores — Rs 30,000,00,00,00,000) each in the biggest Wall Street Pimps, Goldman Sachs and Bank of America who were mainly responsible for the current state of the USA.

Goldman Sachs ABACUS scheme was a cut throat fraud.

Another investment of Buffets, MOODYS, in which Buffet is the largest shareholder was the main culprit along with S&P in the USA housing scam, but they got away scott free.

This investment of Buffet’s in Goldman and Bank of America was done to prevent their stock prices from cratering and for Buffet to save his own investments by pretending he made these investments because he had “confidence” in the USA financial system.

Buffet surely had “confidence” because he was the master puppet master of the Representative DFI muppets who most willingly gave him and his Wall Street Pimp cronies a huge 700 billion dollar bailout ($ 700,000,000,000) courtesy of the blissfully unaware and ignorant American taxpayer.

Actually the 700 billion dollar figure also is a huge lie as I have mentioned above.

The actual bailout costs was closer to 12 trillion dollars.

Warren Buffets charity is not really selfless charity.

In the USA the law is that 50% of your money, especially if you are a billionaire will go to the government after you die.

So to avoid this he created these charities.

Do you know who is managing these charities?

His own family.

Is he really doing charity?

Making honest hardworking people beggars first by investing in companies that destroy their lands, livelihoods and savings and then making billions from what these companies stolen from innocent people.

Warren Buffet does not really care about being ethical though he makes a big show of it.

As long as the investment makes huge amounts of money and is not illegal, it is an acceptable investment.

Who really cares about ethics, you cant really make even a few dollars, forget billions from ethics.

Never mind if that investment causes disease, death and bankruptcy for millions of people, as long as it makes money for Buffet he is fine with it.

So what is the use of his charity?

Recycling money made from unethical businesses and then using the same money to save the same people whose lives were destroyed by these unethical businesses.

I dont blame Warren Buffet alone.

Most businessmen, especially Wall Street/Dalal Street/Lala businessmen think only of profits, they have no concern of ethics.

But I also admire Warren Buffet for his stock picking prowess.

Obviously now he has reached such a powerful level that he has “confidence” investing in Wall Street Pimp stocks  that should have gone bankrupt at firesale prices, because his “confidence” is actually a guarantee that he can be puppet master to the Representative DFIs who will give multi trillion dollar bailouts to the companies that have his “confidence”.

So no matter what Warren Buffet invests in, he is “confident” he will make a profit.

The China Virus has provided the perfect cover for the new bail out of the Wall Street Pimps.

Here is an extract from a very enlightening article by Mike Whitney:

Have you looked over the $2.2 trillion CARES bill that Trump just signed into law a couple weeks ago? It’s pretty grim reading, so I’ll save you the effort.

Here’s a rough breakdown:

$250 billion will go for the $1,200 checks that most of us will receive in a couple weeks. And $250 billion will be provided for extended unemployment insurance benefits.

That’s $500 billion.

Working people will get $500 billion while Wall Street and Corporate America will get 3 times that amount. ($1.7 trillion).

And even that’s a mere fraction of the total sum because– hidden in the small print– is a section that allows the Fed to lever-up the base-capital by 10-to-1 ($450 billion to $4.5 trillion) which means the Fed can buy as many “toxic” bonds and garbage assets as it chooses.

The Fed is turning itself into a hedge fund in order to buy the sludge that has accumulated on the balance sheets of corporations and financial institutions for the last decade.

It’s another gigantic ripoff that’s being cleverly concealed behind the ridiculous coronavirus hype. It’s infuriating.

t’s also worth noting that the $5.8 trillion is not nearly the total amount that Wall Street will eventually get. The Fed has already spent $2 trillion via its QE program (to shore up the dysfunctional repo market) and Fed chair Jay Powell announced on Thursday that another $2.3 trillion in loans and purchases would be used to buy municipal bonds, corporate bonds and loans to small businesses.

The allocation for small businesses, which falls under the, Main Street Lending Program, has been widely touted as a sign of how much the Fed really cares about struggling Mom and Pop businesses that employ the majority of working Americans. But, once again, it’s a sham and a boondoggle. The program is on-track to get $600 billion funding of which the US Treasury will provide the base-capital of $75 billion. The rest will be levered-up by 9-to-1 by the Fed, which means it’s just more smoke and mirrors.

What readers need to realize is that the Treasury has accepted the credit risk for all of the loans that default. In other words, the American people are now on the hook for 100% of all of the loans that go south, and there’s going to be alot of them because the banks have no reason to find creditworthy borrowers.

They get a 5% cut off-the-top whether the loans blow up or not. And, that, my friend, is how you incentivize fraud which, as Bernie Sanders noted, “is Wall Street’s business model.”

Well, according to Trump’s chief economic advisor, Larry Kudlow, the first bailout installment is $6.2 trillion (after the Fed ramps up the Treasury’s contribution of $450 billion.). Then there’s the $2.3 trillion in additional programs the Fed announced on Thursday. Finally, the Fed’s QE program adds another $2 trillion in bond purchases since September 17, when the repo market went haywire.

Altogether, the total sum amounts to $10.5 trillion.


We shall call them The Pimps of Dalal Street.

As usual, in Bharat also, the main pimps of Dalal Street are the banks, but in this case the banks are actually helpless and are completely under the control of the Representative DFIs and their corporate crony Dalal Street Pimps.

That is the huge difference between the banks in FUKUS countries and the banks in Bharat.

In FUKUS, the banks control the Representative DFIs.

In Bharat, the Representative DFIs and their corporate crony Dalal Street Pimps control the banks.

It does not matter who controls whom, the final result is that the banks fails, but the Wall Street and Dalal Street Pimps and the Representative DFIs always benefit, even though the ordinary retail customers of the banks lose all their lives savings and end up on the street.

In addition to the banks, more importantly there are crony capitalist Dalal Street Pimps mainly in rent seeking industries.

They have become extremely strong after  with the growing economy in Bharat – classic case studies – the IT/BT/SEZ coolie parks, and “redeveloped housing” for poor and mass housing scam, mining, power, infrastructure, real estate, construction, defence, petrochemicals, education, healthcare and other such industries.

Unlike their Wall Street cousins and their presstitutes like Jim Cramer and Maria Fartaroma, the pimps of Dalal Street do get exposed more often and because there is still some independent media in India which is much more investigative and does real work (Coal scam, 2G Scam, Tehelka, Cobra PostHarshad Mehta, Ketan Parekh).

Unfortunately in Bharat, even if they get exposed, nothing happens to them.

Also nowadays, the Dalal Street Pimps are influencing the media greatly and even buying up many mainstream presstitute media houses.

The pimps of Dalal Street try and keep a very very low profile and are extremely secretive, especially regarding their links to the Representative DFIs and the presstitutes.

Of course needless to say, here on Dalal Street money that changes hands with the representative DFIs is black money – unaccounted money.

The Dalal Street Pimps in Bharat are as powerful or perhaps even more powerful than the Wall Street Pimps in USA.

The saying of the Jim Willie that I mentioned above applies equally to Bharat.

Do you know in which firm the current RBI governor Urjit Patel worked as President (Business Development) from 1997-2006?

Do you know that the so called “honest and corruption free”, black money “fighting”, “acche din” ke “magic” government has now made a law that allows Dalal Street Pimps to anonymously contribute any amount they wish, even if they are making losses, to any political party and that they do not have to disclose in their books of accounts to which political party they contributed their funds?

In Bharat, in addition to the Pimps of Dalal Street there are also LALA BUSINESSMEN.

These Dalal Street Pimp/Lala businessmen willingly cut corners with their clients, cheat on their taxes, readily bribe anybody in the government and also launder the corrupt proceeds of government officials and Representative DFIs, default on their loans, default on their payments to vendors, pay their employees very little, treat some employees completely favourably and some very discriminatory according to their whims and fancies, and taunt and abuse them as if they own them because they are paying them a salary and misuse company funds to benefit their families.

Most of these Lala businessmen are in mostly cash based businesses like real estate, healthcare, infrastructure, construction, religion, films, trading, liquor, sugarcane, jewellery, education and other such black money businesses which deal mainly in cash.

More than Rs 8 lakh crores (Rs 8,00,000,00,00,000) of stressed Non performing assets (NPA) have been caused by these gambling Dalal Street Pimps/Lalas.

This high amount of Rs 8 lakh crores of potential bad debts is almost 11% of the total bank balance sheet before the demonetisation scam.

Anything more than 4% is considered highly risky and could cause a run on the bank if people panic.

This is further estimated to rise to more than Rs 14 lakh crores (Rs 14,00,000,00,00,000) by 2019.

According to sources in the government, it could even rise to Rs 20 lakh crores (Rs 20,00,000,00,00,000) by 2021.

This puts the entire nation of Bharat at risk.

Failure of banks will lead to a complete collapse of society and there will be anarchy, looting and unrest.

The dumbass demonetisation idea was not to flush out black money. 

That so called “reason” is the biggest scam.

If our NRI Business Development Manager really wants to flush out black money all he has to do is make it compulsory for every class III and above government official to declare the same information as the Representative DFIs do on the ADR website.

And then he should  appoint a dedicated constitutionally  independent vigilance and income tax department to look into the  details posted for all those who served in these government posts and as Representative DFIs for the last 50 years.

The real reason for the demonetisation scam was to bring new capital into the banking system to prevent the banks from failing.  

Do you know why the outstanding RBI governor Raghuram Rajan resigned and why his signature is not on the new notes introduced after demonetisation?

The demonetisation scam has brought more than Rs 15 lakh crore (Rs 15,00,000,00,00,00,000) to the banking system.

So now the banks and peacefully write off or “restructure” the “NPA” and still remain solvent.

Unfortunately the Representative DFIs and Dalal Street Pimps/Lalas will again manipulate the banks to lend them this money.

In Bharat “restructuring” a “NPA” cannot be done for ordinary farmers and poor and middle class people.

They will still have to commit suicide to escape from the loans otherwise they will be kicked out of their lands and houses and the bank will seize and auction this off.

And with today’s banking laws in Bharat even if they commit suicide, their families can be kicked out of their properties and lands and houses can still be seized and publicly auctioned off to recover the loans, even if the loan is a jujubee amount of Rs 1,00,000.

But obscenely rich Dalal Street Pimps/Lalas can demand a “restructuring” of their “NPAs” and the banks will happily oblige.

Do you know what they mean by “NPA”?

It basically means that you have stopped making your loan installment payments, there is not even a snowballs chance in hell  you will ever make your loan installment payments, forget about repaying your loan, but the banks still think you will not only perform the miracle of  returning their loans, but also give them the added miracles of walking on water and breathing fire before you pay off your “NPA”.

The bankers will eventually end up in hell in any case, because they lied and cheated their depositors to  classify your loan as an “NPA” instead of simply telling the truth calling it a bad loan, which is actually worth much less than the Pompous Prick’s 🤢marriage vows of fidelity and chastity  to his hot Eastern European supermodel 😜 bimbo wives.

At least the hot Eastern European supermodel bimbo wives of the  Pompous Prick 🤢 get huge divorce settlements when he dumps them after everything starts to hang and sag😢.

What will you get when the bank “NPA” given with your hard earned money is finally classified as a bad loan?

You definitely wont get any money, but you surely will get angry or depressed or both.

Do you know what they mean by “restructuring”?  

It basically means that even if you are long term loan defaulter of even more than Rs 50000 Crores (Rs 50,000,00,00,00,000), you still remain owner of the property and business that you mortgaged, but your loan is cut to 50% or even more of the original loan amount, your past due interest is waived off, and the bank will again give you more new loans so that you can pay off your old loans.

The King of Good times has defaulted on Rs 7000 crores (Rs 7000,00,00,000) of debt and has not paid his employees for months and some of them have even committed suicide.

But he finds the money to give gold doors to temples and manage Formula One car racing teams and buy thousands of acres of land and luxury resorts in South Africa and pay crores to useless overpaid IPL cricketers and bimbo calendar girls.

The room rent in these luxury resorts are not less than $2000/day (Rs 150,000/day).

Once I am done, the King of Good Times will not even have his chaddi and banian and then will be known as the emperor with new clothes.

He will probably run away to his South African resort and have intimate relations😘 with Zebras 😈since all the  Calendar girls would have abandoned him.

His black money and the Zebras black and white stripes will make for really interesting offspring 🤔.

If he continues to stay in Bharat, he will  soon become the proud owner of a King Fissure  😲since the banks have already seized his worthless Kingfisher brand.

The only reason that the King of Good times is the poster boy is because he flaunted his wealth on Formula 1 race cars, calendar girls 😛 and wild orgy parties 😛

There are many people not only in Bharat, but also in the world who do not approve of this lifestyle.

Not mainly because of moral reasons, but also because of extreme envy 🙁 that they were not able to do the same as the King of Good times.

In fact the wretched King of Good times never even bothered to invite or even send whatsapp photos of his parties to these “honourable” but envious people who are angry with him.😡

But I have nothing but contempt for the King of Good times.

We must set an example of him that will bring fear into all the Wall Street/Dalal Street/Lala Pimps so that they will willingly jump to immediately correct their similar despicable crimes and swear never to repeat them for generations.

I personally know of quite a few people whose lives have been ruined because the King of Good times did not pay their salaries and dues.

They defaulted on their EMIs, their houses were repossessed, their families went into depression and some even committed suicide.

In fact the King of Good times did not even deposit the tax deductions of his employees salaries with the government.  This is a serious criminal offence.

And now the government which as usual has its head up its ass, is issuing repeated notices to the King of Good times employees to pay taxes again on amounts that were already deducted from their salaries by King of Good times,

Who then instead of depositing hard earned tax deductions of his employees with the government, instead chose to deposit it in the pockets of worthless cricketers, calendar girls and formula one race cars.

But this default by the King of Good times is just a jujubee amount compared to some of the loan defaults by much bigger Dalal Street Pimps and Lalas.

In fact the RBI has defied a supreme court order and refused to publicly disclose all the names of the loan defaulters of more than Rs 500 crores whose total loan defaults add up to more than Rs 2 lakh crores (Rs 2,00,000,00,00,000).

Can you imagine the “wonder” of FUKUSCapitalism“?

An ordinary loan defaulter of even a jujubee amount of Rs 1,00,000 to a small town cooperative bank, will have their name,  loan default amount, address and property details along with measurements, displayed publicly in a major newspaper and put up for auction.

But a Dalal Street Pimp/Lala with more than Rs 1 lakh crores (Rs 1,00,000,00,00,000) in loan default will have the power to influence even the RBI to defy the supreme court and not even publicly disclose their name, forget about the loan amount they have defaulted on, and the properties that will be auctioned?

All Willful Loan Defaulters must be subject to my law on Banking and Lending.

Many may know this joke, but I will tell it anyway:

The Representative DFIs and Wall Street Pimps died and were sent to the gateway to hell and heaven.

So the Devil first offered to show them hell to help them decide.  

The Devil looked like a supermodel, dressed in the finest Saville Row suit and wore shiny Nile Crocodile Belly Boots.

The Devil spoke way better than Slick WillieObummer and his chaddi dost the NRI Business Development Manager.

The devil took them to the lift (elevator) which had gold doors, and crystal mirrors inside.  

Of course the lift was air conditioned and played the best techno rave electronic music and had the most impressive TV with a live video stream of the finest supermodels skinny dipping in heated swimming pools and indulging in orgies.

When they went down to hell, they saw their old Wall Street pimp and Representative DFI friends, playing golf, hanging out with supermodels and eating caviar and bathing in champagne and providing live feeds of their status on Twitter and Facebook.

Then the devil sent them back up again.

The entrance to heaven was open, but there was no lift and they had to climb a long flight of rough stone steps to get to the entrance.

And there was nobody at the gate to invite them in.

In fact there was no gate at all, just a wide entrance.  

So they walked in and saw that people were happy and were working with joy even though many of them were shepherds and cowherds and doing hard farming, weaving, carpentry, cobbling and other such work.

Children were playing real games, not video games.

People had real friends, not facebook friends.

And all the doors in all the houses were open and there were no locks.

There was unplugged music, dancing and singing.

Most of these people were average looking and of all colours, and shapes and sizes.

The Wall Street pimps and Representative DFIs were most disappointed with heaven.

People working, no video games, no techno rave music, no twitter and facebook, no live video streaming, no locks on doors, none of the joys of hell and worst of all, the door was left open and there was nobody sent to invite them in.

They had expected to see God show up at the door to invite them in, but nobody showed up

In fact God did not even meet them and talk to them when they went into heaven.

All they met were ordinary looking people who were extremely kind and friendly, but so damn ordinary and average.

These people were of all colours, and shapes and sizes and spoke in such funny accents.

Some of them were even dumb and deaf and blind and crippled and stammered, but they all were happy and you could see the joy in their face.

But these people were so damn ordinary and average and seemed so simple, trusting and gullible.

Then there were the horses and sheep and cows and their stinking dung on the road and dogs playing with the sheep and noisy and mischievous children who played Holi on them and coloured their expensive Egyptian cotton shirts and Alligator boots.

So they walked right out of heaven.  

Filled up the signup form for hell and voted unanimously to call the Devil to get them to hell.

The devil came right back up to the gateway dressed in his finest suit and boots. 

He looked like a supermodel and spoke way better Slick Willie, Obummer and his chaddi dost the NRI Business Development Manager.

And he closed the door of the lift and took them right down to hell.

As soon as the door of the lift opened, the Representative DFIs and the Wall Street Pimps were shocked.

All their Representative DFI and Wall Street Pimp friends they had seen previously were shedding tears of blood.

They had torn and almost no clothes or shoes and were breaking stones, digging ditches and eating only ragi ambli and mirchi powder.

There was nothing else to eat, not even a cucumber or carrot.

There was no way out.

The lift had disappeared, and the Devil looked like Freddie from Horror movies and had the meanest whip in each of his many hands and was using it with joy.  

They begged the devil:

“Why did you do this to us today?

This was not what we had seen when we came to check hell out yesterday.”

Then the Devil Said:

“YESTERDAY I was CAMPAIGNING for your votes, TODAY you VOTED for me.”

😢 🤦

If you are wondering how to pronounce DFI – it is pronounced diffy.

DFI stands for Devious F🙊 Idiot.

What does the F stand for?

Fantastic, fascinating, fashionable or ??? 🤔👼😁